My life must seem really exotic to a lot of people. Always traveling, always going. I have had several people write to me and tell me how much they envy me, and wish they had my life.
I've spent some time with friends lately who are married with children. It's fall fairs and soccer games, lunch meat sandwiches and scooters, stuffed animals and wedding pictures on the wall.
And they wonder if I will be bored.
I look at them and think "This is what normal people do." And part of me wonders if I am normal, and whether I will ever have even a small part of what they have.
It's really interesting - for someone who has such an amazing amount of freedom, I sure do spend a lot of my time feeling trapped.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Second Place
It's close. Close enough to taste it.
We are still proud of people who win the Silver Medal at the Olympics. They get endorsement deals and media coverage too.
Second place in a pageant will get you a special title (runner-up) with special duties (in the event the winner cannot fulfill her duties...).
I've been feeling a lot of "second place" lately. And its hard to explain.
It's not exactly losing. But it sure isn't winning, is it?
We are still proud of people who win the Silver Medal at the Olympics. They get endorsement deals and media coverage too.
Second place in a pageant will get you a special title (runner-up) with special duties (in the event the winner cannot fulfill her duties...).
I've been feeling a lot of "second place" lately. And its hard to explain.
It's not exactly losing. But it sure isn't winning, is it?
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Grocery Shopping
One of the things that has irrevocably changed for me since my move to The City is grocery shopping. I live in a high-rise and I can no longer afford to have a car. That means I have a few choices:
LOVE.
There are only two challenges with FreshDirect. One, I have to order two-three days in advance and I am rarely that organized. Two, any brand loyalty you have developed over the years (I like HELLMAN'S mayonnaise, dammit) goes out the window as they only stock a limited amount of brands and sizes. Want to buy Hunt's canned tomatoes? Too bad. Want the Taco Cheese Blend that Kraft sells in grocery stores? Sorry. You'll have to make do with cheddar or jack (or both and mix them yourself, sprinkling in some taco seasoning for effect).
Whole Foods is in Tribeca. For those of you not familiar with NYC, Tribeca is the "TRIangle BElow CAnal". You may see me post about my "Mecca in Tribeca" from time to time. There's a Whole Foods, Barnes and Noble (*with* Starbucks), AND a Bed, Bath and Beyond...all in the same building! It's a few short blocks from the World Trade Center PATH Station, which is where I grab the train back to my apartment from NYC.
JOY!
The challenge with buying food at Whole Foods (other than being insanely expensive and completely organic) is that I have to carry it all by hand, and travel via the PATH Train. So unless I come into the city with my Homeless Lady Cart, this involves only buying what I can carry several blocks and still look at my crackberry.
Now - the local bodegas around Jersey City (where I live) offer some interesting challenges of their own. If you look up the term "bodega" - it's a Spanish term for winery. But in Boston or in and around NYC, they are little stores, typically with limited selection and almost nothing is fresh. We have a lot of those.
Luckily - we also have Tendershoot Farm. Sounds pretty, right? Well - it's a bodega too - just a really good one. It's chock full of produce, cheese, dairy, fresh flowers, even fresh bread. In the warm weather, those boxes outside are full of fresh flowers and potted plants. And in a pinch - halfway through a recipe when I realize I don't enough chicken stock - I walk six blocks and get some, so it wins points for convenience.
- Order groceries online from FreshDirect
- Schlep things in from Whole Foods in NYC
- Make do with what you can find in the local bodegas around Jersey City
- Beg a ride with a friend who has a car when they go shopping themselves or get them to loan there car to you.
LOVE.
There are only two challenges with FreshDirect. One, I have to order two-three days in advance and I am rarely that organized. Two, any brand loyalty you have developed over the years (I like HELLMAN'S mayonnaise, dammit) goes out the window as they only stock a limited amount of brands and sizes. Want to buy Hunt's canned tomatoes? Too bad. Want the Taco Cheese Blend that Kraft sells in grocery stores? Sorry. You'll have to make do with cheddar or jack (or both and mix them yourself, sprinkling in some taco seasoning for effect).
Whole Foods is in Tribeca. For those of you not familiar with NYC, Tribeca is the "TRIangle BElow CAnal". You may see me post about my "Mecca in Tribeca" from time to time. There's a Whole Foods, Barnes and Noble (*with* Starbucks), AND a Bed, Bath and Beyond...all in the same building! It's a few short blocks from the World Trade Center PATH Station, which is where I grab the train back to my apartment from NYC.
JOY!
The challenge with buying food at Whole Foods (other than being insanely expensive and completely organic) is that I have to carry it all by hand, and travel via the PATH Train. So unless I come into the city with my Homeless Lady Cart, this involves only buying what I can carry several blocks and still look at my crackberry.
Now - the local bodegas around Jersey City (where I live) offer some interesting challenges of their own. If you look up the term "bodega" - it's a Spanish term for winery. But in Boston or in and around NYC, they are little stores, typically with limited selection and almost nothing is fresh. We have a lot of those.
 |
| Now called Tendershoot Farm |
I can buy fresh herbs like dill, basil and parsley here. But - I can't buy Tostitos or Doritos or Nestle Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips. The produce is spotty at times, but usually decent. I can buy five kinds of kimchee, but I don't eat the stuff. I can't buy taco shells. Oh - and there is no fresh meat. Anywhere. That - you have to order or bring in. Unless of course....
Option Four presents itself. Now my friend B has a car, and even lets me borrow it from time to time. He travels more than I do if you can imagine that, usually in Saudi or UAE. But when he's here, we go to SuperTarget and a real grocery store and load up on things we can't get anywhere else, or are too heavy to lug.
Now downside to this at all - except he's leaving for four months and leaving his car at his parent's house in Pennsylvania. So - this weekend, after two weeks of traveling myself, I went shopping because there was almost no food in the house.
After Skipping Breakfast. Not a good plan.
I wandered up and down each aisle picking up things, I realized it might be quite some time before I could physically get back here. So I bought several of each item that I can't get anywhere else. Necessities like Nestle Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips, Ortega Taco Shells, Low Sodium Taco Seasoning, Hunt's canned tomatoes, Pillsbury puffed pastry. Even found the elusive Taco Flavored Doritos (should have bought more than one bag of those) and diet coke was on sale!
Woo Hoo!
(Serious Checkbook Damage. A non-holiday, non-party record actually.)
How lucky you all are, that you can go to a real store, when you want and find what you need. Then again, how lucky we all are, aren't we?
Option Four presents itself. Now my friend B has a car, and even lets me borrow it from time to time. He travels more than I do if you can imagine that, usually in Saudi or UAE. But when he's here, we go to SuperTarget and a real grocery store and load up on things we can't get anywhere else, or are too heavy to lug.
Now downside to this at all - except he's leaving for four months and leaving his car at his parent's house in Pennsylvania. So - this weekend, after two weeks of traveling myself, I went shopping because there was almost no food in the house.
After Skipping Breakfast. Not a good plan.
I wandered up and down each aisle picking up things, I realized it might be quite some time before I could physically get back here. So I bought several of each item that I can't get anywhere else. Necessities like Nestle Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips, Ortega Taco Shells, Low Sodium Taco Seasoning, Hunt's canned tomatoes, Pillsbury puffed pastry. Even found the elusive Taco Flavored Doritos (should have bought more than one bag of those) and diet coke was on sale!
Woo Hoo!
(Serious Checkbook Damage. A non-holiday, non-party record actually.)
How lucky you all are, that you can go to a real store, when you want and find what you need. Then again, how lucky we all are, aren't we?
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday
 |
| "Hel-LO Me-CHELLE...." |
She has left an amazing hole in our organizations's staff. She'd been with us since 2005, and I told her once that her real title was "Director of First Impressions" because for the first year I worked there, she was our receptionist.
She was the person in the office who made sure everything ran smoothly. She did all the things behind the scenes that made it a nice place to work...a comfortable place to be. She stocked oatmeal in the kitchen, and made sure we had enough coffee and utensils.
She eventually moved up into the HR department to help with attendance processing and payroll, and I was forever getting emails from her to update my attendance records or approve the records of those who report to me...I'm really bad at that when I'm on the road.
Yet - she was always smiling. I never once saw her in a bad mood. Ever. I would always apologize that she had to chase me down...she'd just smile and wave me away. Or say good morning with her beautiful Barbados accent and laugh at me as I blast through the door first thing in the morning and head straight to the soda machine for my EPDC.
She was a very devout woman, so it may be fitting somehow that she died at church. Surrounded by family and friends. I hope she never knew or felt anything. People who hear this say "That's the way to go...". And they are right.
She leaves behind a husband and four children that she referred to as #1, #2, #3 and #4. We never really knew their names. She also leaves behind 78 people who will miss her cheerful smiles every day.
I will always remember her as the originator of one of my favorite expressions. WTF is the acronym for a well-known interjection. We asked her once, laughing, if she knew what it meant - just to see if she'd actually say it as she NEVER swore. She looked at us with a twinkle in her eyes and perfectly straight face and said sternly - "Wednesday, Thursday, Friday."
Yes Ma'am. It does.
And from then on, it became the staff inside joke. We could say "Wednesday, Thursday, Friday" in front of anyone. WE would know what we meant...and smile as we say "Oh, sorry - just going over my schedule in my head...".
E and I were talking about her while we were in San Francisco. How much we will miss her. And all of the stories that everyone is sharing. They all make us laugh. Or smile. There simply are no stories about her melting down at the conference, arguing with anyone or having a bad day.
That....is the way to go.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
My Dreaded Holiday.....
As a general rule, I love holidays. I love the tradition and the ceremony of them. They each have their own ritual of sorts, as major holidays tend to be tied to family and food. Menus are carefully developed over time, recipies are family favorites, and changes require a quorum and a two-thirds vote. If you think I'm kidding, you haven't met my family. Don't get me wrong - I love them dearly and the fact that we take our holiday meals together very, very seriously.
I do however, loathe New Year's Eve. I'd rather treat it like any other night, and just go to bed early.
Dubbed "Amateur Night" by chronic New Yorkers (I am not one, I'm too new to The City), it's the night where people who don't go out all year try to make up for all their couch-dwelling and drink everything they haven't imbibed over the past year in one nite. The city itself floods with people determined to stand ALL DAY in the freezing cold, with no access to food, water, wine or bathrooms in order to say "I was there". Did I mention the no bathrooms part? People I know who have done it, tell horror stories of frozen digits, vomit splattered shoes, sights of public pooping (not by dogs mind you). Yeah....sign me up.
The alternative was always to stay home and watch the classic "Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve". There was always another show, but it was for the "B Talent" or acts too cool for Dick and mainstream America. God Bless Dick Clark - but I hope they let him spend this year in peace with some dignity. I can't watch him make out with his wife again this year at midnight.
When I was younger, I would throw the New Year's party, and anyone who came - stayed. Those were the rules. That way, we knew everyone would be safe and off the roads. And I had a single friend, we never dated, but he was my New Years Kiss if neither of us was attached.
This year is what I like to refer to as a "Command Performance". Family event at the country club, black tie, everyone there...No graceful way out. "C'mon - It'll be FUN!"
Right.
Single, dateless, missing someone who for some reason has opted out, at a black-tie event that I'm pressured to attend. Sounds like the perfect way to start off the year.
But looking back, it wasn't that bad. Not my first choice, but I did have fun dancing with my siblings, and I've always loved dancing with my dad. His friends even stepped in, which was very sweet.
Yes, I would have rather been there in the arms of someone special. Yes, I would have rather been kissing him at midnight instead of staring at the sky and praying that this next year would bring what I want most.
But I don't get to dance very often anymore, and we did have a great time. I just wish that when the event rolls around again at the end of the year, I have a date.
I do however, loathe New Year's Eve. I'd rather treat it like any other night, and just go to bed early.
Dubbed "Amateur Night" by chronic New Yorkers (I am not one, I'm too new to The City), it's the night where people who don't go out all year try to make up for all their couch-dwelling and drink everything they haven't imbibed over the past year in one nite. The city itself floods with people determined to stand ALL DAY in the freezing cold, with no access to food, water, wine or bathrooms in order to say "I was there". Did I mention the no bathrooms part? People I know who have done it, tell horror stories of frozen digits, vomit splattered shoes, sights of public pooping (not by dogs mind you). Yeah....sign me up.
The alternative was always to stay home and watch the classic "Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve". There was always another show, but it was for the "B Talent" or acts too cool for Dick and mainstream America. God Bless Dick Clark - but I hope they let him spend this year in peace with some dignity. I can't watch him make out with his wife again this year at midnight.
When I was younger, I would throw the New Year's party, and anyone who came - stayed. Those were the rules. That way, we knew everyone would be safe and off the roads. And I had a single friend, we never dated, but he was my New Years Kiss if neither of us was attached.
This year is what I like to refer to as a "Command Performance". Family event at the country club, black tie, everyone there...No graceful way out. "C'mon - It'll be FUN!"
Right.
Single, dateless, missing someone who for some reason has opted out, at a black-tie event that I'm pressured to attend. Sounds like the perfect way to start off the year.
But looking back, it wasn't that bad. Not my first choice, but I did have fun dancing with my siblings, and I've always loved dancing with my dad. His friends even stepped in, which was very sweet.
Yes, I would have rather been there in the arms of someone special. Yes, I would have rather been kissing him at midnight instead of staring at the sky and praying that this next year would bring what I want most.
But I don't get to dance very often anymore, and we did have a great time. I just wish that when the event rolls around again at the end of the year, I have a date.
 |
| Our party hats at Congressional NYE 2010. |
Sunday, December 12, 2010
There's a fine, fine line....
I saw Avenue Q last night with my friend "E". It was the second time we had seen it, and we've it together both times. While we had a great time last night - it wasn't the evening I had planned.
I bought the tickets for a guy who was going to come for the weekend. It was the show he wanted to see and it's been planned for six weeks. He's a great guy - and I really want to care about him. As Boyfriend Material. And the truth is - I do care.
He wanders in and out of my life about every six years, and I have *always* had a thing for him. The timing just always seemed to be off. On paper, it all works. We know alot of the same people, share a lot of the same history, have a great time together, laugh and talk when we are together, like the same football team, families live 20 minutes apart, and physically we have Great Chemistry. But the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing - it alwasy loses something in implementation.
You guessed it. He cancelled two days before the weekend, with a list of excuses. I was devastated.
And while all three of his reasons were valid, he certainly knew about them before he finally let me know he wasn't coming.
To be fair - we haven't had the "next level" talk. You know the one, where you move from casually seeing each other to something a little more serious. I had hoped to do that this weekend, because it isn't really a phone conversation...best in person.
I didn't want to be unreasonable. I hadn't told him I wanted something more serious, we never talked about it - maybe he thought I was happy with "playing it by ear". Hardly fair to be angry, hurt or disappointed when you haven't had that conversation - right?
But I am anyway. "If he isn't calling you, he's just not that into you." And he doesn't call very often. So he must not be. And I am crushed.
Aren't I worth being someone's priority? Maybe not their top priority, but important enough to call once in a while? Or to say, "Hey - hold off on spending all that money on tickets two weeks before Christmas...I may need to reschedule." While I'd still be disappointed, at least that's thoughtful. Respectful.
I bought the tickets for a guy who was going to come for the weekend. It was the show he wanted to see and it's been planned for six weeks. He's a great guy - and I really want to care about him. As Boyfriend Material. And the truth is - I do care.
He wanders in and out of my life about every six years, and I have *always* had a thing for him. The timing just always seemed to be off. On paper, it all works. We know alot of the same people, share a lot of the same history, have a great time together, laugh and talk when we are together, like the same football team, families live 20 minutes apart, and physically we have Great Chemistry. But the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing - it alwasy loses something in implementation.
You guessed it. He cancelled two days before the weekend, with a list of excuses. I was devastated.
And while all three of his reasons were valid, he certainly knew about them before he finally let me know he wasn't coming.
To be fair - we haven't had the "next level" talk. You know the one, where you move from casually seeing each other to something a little more serious. I had hoped to do that this weekend, because it isn't really a phone conversation...best in person.
I didn't want to be unreasonable. I hadn't told him I wanted something more serious, we never talked about it - maybe he thought I was happy with "playing it by ear". Hardly fair to be angry, hurt or disappointed when you haven't had that conversation - right?
But I am anyway. "If he isn't calling you, he's just not that into you." And he doesn't call very often. So he must not be. And I am crushed.
Aren't I worth being someone's priority? Maybe not their top priority, but important enough to call once in a while? Or to say, "Hey - hold off on spending all that money on tickets two weeks before Christmas...I may need to reschedule." While I'd still be disappointed, at least that's thoughtful. Respectful.
"There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;Sing it Kate Monster....
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time."
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Strange Angels appear in Crisis Time
Two years later...Meg says I should write again. And frankly, nobody is ever going to read this but me and her so why not. Writing always helped. And things are so rough right now.
And yet as I type that, I smack myself mentally in the head.
This morning on the way to work, being in the midst of:
* Emotional Crisis
* Stress at Work
* (and who are we kidding, most importantly) A serious case of PMS
I stopped into the McDonalds up the street from my office for a good old Number One with a large diet coke. Two doors before MickeyD's in the bitter cold wrapped up and sitting on the sidewalk was a young homeless man holding a sign that said "Homeless and Hungrey - Please Help."
I should mention it was like twenty degrees this morning. So I waltzed into get my breakfast and ordered two. One in one bag with a large hot coffee; one in another bag with my EPDC (ever present diet coke). Paid the bill, walked out and handed the man his breakfast.
And - went about my day.
Now - as I sit here ready to wallow in the midst of a deep blue funk, I'm looking around me and I realize my life is pretty damn great.
I don't have anyone to share it with but I have a fabulous apartment that I can afford. It has heat and a warm bed and a dog that is at least happy to see me when I come home.
I work too hard and travel way too much but the people I work for do appreciate and value me, even when I am grumpy because our systems aren't what they should be or the people who feed me the information I need to do my job aren't alway stellar.
I have a family who loves me and is proud of my recent successes. And God forbid I ever came close to being in the same situation as that young man this morning, they would come get me in heartbeat - no questions asked. As they have done before.
And I have good friends. Most of them are far away and have their own lives, but they do care. A couple are close enough to keep things interesting when I poke my head out.
Do I miss love? Hell Yes. Am I frustrated with work? More than I can say. Is it the end of the world? No. Sometimes I feel like it is....but no. It's not.
Yet another strange angel.....
And yet as I type that, I smack myself mentally in the head.
This morning on the way to work, being in the midst of:
* Emotional Crisis
* Stress at Work
* (and who are we kidding, most importantly) A serious case of PMS
I stopped into the McDonalds up the street from my office for a good old Number One with a large diet coke. Two doors before MickeyD's in the bitter cold wrapped up and sitting on the sidewalk was a young homeless man holding a sign that said "Homeless and Hungrey - Please Help."
I should mention it was like twenty degrees this morning. So I waltzed into get my breakfast and ordered two. One in one bag with a large hot coffee; one in another bag with my EPDC (ever present diet coke). Paid the bill, walked out and handed the man his breakfast.
And - went about my day.
Now - as I sit here ready to wallow in the midst of a deep blue funk, I'm looking around me and I realize my life is pretty damn great.
I don't have anyone to share it with but I have a fabulous apartment that I can afford. It has heat and a warm bed and a dog that is at least happy to see me when I come home.
I work too hard and travel way too much but the people I work for do appreciate and value me, even when I am grumpy because our systems aren't what they should be or the people who feed me the information I need to do my job aren't alway stellar.
I have a family who loves me and is proud of my recent successes. And God forbid I ever came close to being in the same situation as that young man this morning, they would come get me in heartbeat - no questions asked. As they have done before.
And I have good friends. Most of them are far away and have their own lives, but they do care. A couple are close enough to keep things interesting when I poke my head out.
Do I miss love? Hell Yes. Am I frustrated with work? More than I can say. Is it the end of the world? No. Sometimes I feel like it is....but no. It's not.
Yet another strange angel.....
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